At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.” Posted onMay 19, 2026
Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!” Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it. Posted onMay 19, 2026
You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more. Posted onMay 19, 2026
We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is. Posted onMay 19, 2026
That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while. Posted onMay 19, 2026
A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does? Posted onMay 19, 2026
A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class! Posted onMay 19, 2026