Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs? Posted onMay 28, 2026
Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it. Posted onMay 28, 2026
No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist. Posted onMay 28, 2026
People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress. Posted onMay 28, 2026
A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult. Posted onMay 28, 2026
When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos. Posted onMay 28, 2026
My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited. Posted onMay 28, 2026
If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down? Posted onMay 28, 2026
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it. Posted onMay 28, 2026
This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man. Posted onMay 28, 2026
If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice? Posted onMay 28, 2026