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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Making waves on X:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Seen just now on Discord:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Just landed via Discord:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Just shared via Instagram:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

1 month ago

Playful witty text imagining pharaohs enjoying water slides in the afterlife.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like even ancient rulers couldn't resist the allure of a good water slide! 🌊👑 Just imagine the Pharaohs slipping and sliding their way into eternity, ready for a splash-tacular afterlife adventure! 💦 Who knew the pyramids were actually ancient water parks in disguise? 🏰🌈 #WaterslidesOfTheNile"

activity, after, afterlife, belief, burial, buried, chest, fun, hands, humor, life, over, Pharaoh, slide, water, water slide

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

14 shares on Discord this month:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

46 shares on Threads this month:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

35 shares on Discord this month:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Spotted on Threads:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Just landed via X:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Live now on Facebook:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Going viral on Threads:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Just shared via Telegram:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Just shared via Facebook:

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Spotted on Threads:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

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