Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

56 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!