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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Going viral on Telegram:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Spotted on YouTube:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Breaking via Instagram:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Spotted on Discord:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Live now on Instagram:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about triggering conservative relatives with a Grindr notification at dinner.

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Commentary:
Guess who just turned the family feast into a game of "Who's Secretly Swiping?" 😂📱🔍

check, Christmas, Christmas dinner, conservative, conservative relative, dinner, experiment, family, family gathering, gathering, Grindr, humor, noise, notification, notification noise, phone, phone ringer, play, prank, relative, ringer, social, social experiment

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31 shares on Facebook this month:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

92 shares on Slack this month:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Just landed via Discord:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Trending via Reddit:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Just landed via X:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Just landed via Facebook:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

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Activity Log ✨

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨