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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,273

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Trending via Snapchat:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Going viral on Discord:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Making waves on Slack:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Going viral on Twitch:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Just landed via Messenger:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien seeking solitude and home.

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Commentary:
So that's why you always know when the coffee is brewing 😄👽🛸

alien, alone, ancient, home, home planet, humor, just, leave, loneliness, me, planet, please, return, sci-fi, time, time travel, travel, trying

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Messenger this month:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

31 shares on X this month:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

89 shares on X this month:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Live now on Facebook:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Trending via Snapchat:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Trending via Threads:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Making waves on X:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Spotted on Snapchat:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Trending via Threads:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

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Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Keep the laugh going 😂

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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