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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Live now on WeChat:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Live now on TikTok:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Making waves on YouTube:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Going viral on Instagram:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Trending via Telegram:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Just shared via Messenger:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

24 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote encouraging real-life interactions over online battles, with a humorous, playful tone.

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Commentary:
Time to take online drama to the real-life octagon! 🥊😂📲

argument, conflict, fight, fighting, humor, internet, life, media, please, real, short, short life, social, social media, start, stop

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14 shares on Telegram this month:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

47 shares on TikTok this month:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Going viral on WeChat:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

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Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

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Activity Log ✨

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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