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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Going viral on Twitch:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Just landed via Facebook:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Making waves on Twitch:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Just shared via Instagram:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That awkward moment when your own story feels like a Netflix series you didn't know you signed up for until someone hit 'like' 😂📱👀

behavior, curiosity, every, funny behavior, heart, interaction, media, rewatch, social, social media, somebody, story, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

0

2 months ago

creativity, humor, i, multitasking, octopus, people, slap, wish
I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

0

5 days ago

appendix, attitude, body, bullshit, defiance, health, healthy, humor, i, just, medical, organ, organs, show, surgery, tolerate
They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

0

2 months ago

body, health, humor, invention, keep, score, should
There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

0

6 months ago

another, culture, dance, gangnam, Gangnam Style, humor, music, only, peace, pop, pop culture, song, style, viral, viral song, world, world peace
Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

0

3 months ago

crime, documentary, entertainment, humor, i, news, put, relax, relaxation, sometimes, true, true crime, turn
Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

0

2 months ago

dog, family, grandpa, humor, joke, loud, nickname, pet, snore

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

10 shares on Slack this month:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Freshly posted on X:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Spotted on Twitch:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Going viral on X:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Just shared via X:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Going bananas on WeChat:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨