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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Itโ€™s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

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Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

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Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

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How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

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So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

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Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

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My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

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โ€œ23 and Meโ€ is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

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My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they donโ€™t read it fast enough.

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Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always โ€œNever.โ€

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Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Commentary:
That awkward moment when your own story feels like a Netflix series you didn't know you signed up for until someone hit 'like' ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ฑ๐Ÿ‘€



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

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Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

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Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

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I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

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Dear nurses, you donโ€™t have to announce my weight, just write it down. Thatโ€™s why I have my eyes closed when Iโ€™m on the scale.

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It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

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At least life has music.

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We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

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Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

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Onion rings? Iโ€™m answering.

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