Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Going viral on Messenger:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Just shared via Twitch:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Just landed via WeChat:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Breaking via Facebook:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Just shared via Threads:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Live now on Telegram:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Trending via YouTube:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Trending via Telegram:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
That awkward moment when your own story feels like a Netflix series you didn't know you signed up for until someone hit 'like' 😂📱👀

behavior, curiosity, every, funny behavior, heart, interaction, media, rewatch, social, social media, somebody, story, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

0

2 months ago

divisible, humor, joke, language, minister, politics, prime, prime minister, wordplay
I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

0

2 months ago

ground, humor, i, just, marry, mom, parent, relationship
Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

0

2 months ago

bold, bold move, commentary, history, humor, i, incognito, incognito mode, joke, mode, move, online, online privacy, privacy, social, social commentary, tech, tech joke, tonight, turning
God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

0

2 months ago

all-forgetting, all-knowing, forgetfulness, God, humor, ID, wisdom
A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward situation, fact, full, fun, fun fact, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, icebreaker, interaction, just, people, room, situation, social, social interaction, tell, yourself
Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

0

2 months ago

alone, drinking, home, humor, i, introvert, myself, night, socializing, sorry, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Discord this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

88 shares on X this month:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

25 shares on Slack this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

52 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Spotted on X:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Trending via Instagram:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Live now on Slack:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Just shared via Facebook:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨