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Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

You’re still ragebaiting? Everyone is on vagueposting now. Keep up.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Just landed via Twitch:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

Trending via Instagram:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just realized doors really are floating in the air 24/7. I don’t like that.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Broadcasted on Discord:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Live now on Snapchat:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty holiday quote about Santa's clever visit routine and snack etiquette.

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Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect socializing strategy! Santa's got the right idea— in and out with snacks and no awkward goodbyes! 🎅🎉🍪👋

celebration, early, eat, holiday, humor, idea, leave, once, only, party, people, right, Santa, snack, socializing, tradition, visit, year

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41 shares on Threads this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

22 shares on Threads this month:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

22 shares on Slack this month:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Breaking via YouTube:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Just landed via Telegram:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Trending via Telegram:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Just landed via Slack:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

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Activity Log ✨

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨