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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Jan 5, 2026

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Seen just now on Discord:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Going viral on WeChat:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Making waves on Threads:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Seen just now on X:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Going viral on Discord:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

5 months ago

0

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my standards started needing a crane to lift them, I knew it was time for a change! 😂🍹🚫

drinking, got, humor, lifestyle, self-improvement, sobriety, standard, standards, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

0

2 months ago

aging, bat, fun, getting, hanging, humor, morning, neck, neck pain, old, pain, sleep, upside, wake
Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

0

2 months ago

agenda, event, hear, humor, irony, me, party, people, reveal, social, social event, trust
Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

0

2 months ago

boss, communication, distraction, humor, knows, office, saying, strategy, stuff, thinking, walks, work
Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

0

3 months ago

able, being, form, humor, own, self-acceptance, sound, tolerance, tolerate, video, voice
Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

0

2 months ago

body, brain, humor, okay, sleep, sleepy, thinky, thoughts, time
My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

0

4 months ago

dating, ex, fear, humor, love, me, relationship, someone, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

46 shares on Threads this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Trending via Instagram:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Making waves on X:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Trending via Instagram:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Seen just now on Telegram:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

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