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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Spotted on Telegram:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Trending via Pinterest:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Just shared via Telegram:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Just landed via TikTok:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text highlighting a funny moment about boyfriend lost in Google Maps.

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Commentary:
When your boyfriend's sense of adventure means exploring virtual streets instead of taking out the trash 🗺️🤣🗑️

around, boyfriend, distraction, funny observation, glance, Google, Google Maps, humor, i, just, looking, maps, navigation, observation, over, relationship, relationship humor, scrolling, sometimes

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56 shares on Instagram this month:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

26 shares on Slack this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve disappointed better people.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

13 shares on Slack this month:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Going viral on WeChat:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Going bananas on Slack:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Just landed via X:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Going viral on Messenger:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Spotted on WeChat:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Math is like Chinese to me.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Math is like Chinese to me.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨