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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,869

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Shared recently on Threads:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Going bananas on Slack:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Just shared via Discord:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Live now on Pinterest:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
When your boyfriend's sense of adventure means exploring virtual streets instead of taking out the trash 🗺️🤣🗑️

around, boyfriend, distraction, funny observation, glance, Google, Google Maps, humor, i, just, looking, maps, navigation, observation, over, relationship, relationship humor, scrolling, sometimes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

0

2 months ago

emotion, humor, i, love, me, move, movement, positivity, self-confidence, sexy, still, think, world
When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

0

2 months ago

expand, fitness, gaining, getting, hot, humor, just, perspective, self-acceptance, things, warm, weight
Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, day, humor, introvert, irony, leave, me, peace, self-care, today, wonderful
I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

0

2 months ago

being, confidence, cringe, humor, humor quote, i, love, pretty, say, self-awareness, self-deprecating, things, threshold, vanity, woman, women
I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

0

2 months ago

always, am, confirm, confirmation, door, doors, dumb, humor, i, pull, push, self-deprecation, three, times
What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, bathroom, even, knock, privacy, protocol, say, situation, someone, stall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on X this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

13 shares on Slack this month:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

50 shares on Discord this month:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

20 shares on Discord this month:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Freshly posted on X:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Trending via Discord:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨