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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Live now on YouTube:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Spotted on Threads:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Just landed via Instagram:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Trending via Instagram:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

2 months ago

0

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm running a "winging it" marathon and I'm winning! 😂🤷‍♂️🥇

again, am, apology, clueless, confession, doing, happen, having, hell, honesty, humor, i, idea, repetition, self-awareness, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

0

2 months ago

dislike, everything, food, humor, invention, meal, picked, plate, put, salad, separation, someone
I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

0

2 months ago

abuse, addiction, humor, i, irony, lot, me, mean, meaning, never, substance
Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, big, ears, great, hair, humor, shout, shout out, wind
Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, blurt, conversation, getting, humor, intro, moment, mother-in-law, point, skip
“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

0

2 months ago

before, changes, communication, elegant, Friday, hear, humor, problems, solution, solve, work, work humor
Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

0

5 months ago

attendance, being, everyone, happy, hell, humor, just, late, lateness, liked, office, perk, perks, popularity, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Reddit this month:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

60 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Spotted on X:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Spotted on Messenger:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Going viral on WeChat:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Breaking via Pinterest:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

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