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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Trending via YouTube:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Trending via Telegram:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Going viral on Slack:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Trending via YouTube:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Just shared via TikTok:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Just shared via Reddit:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Seen just now on YouTube:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the socializing hangover is real! 😂🥴📅 I'll see you in 2024.

excuse, going, going out, humor, i, last, life, recovering, recovery, rest, social, social life, sorry, still, tired, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, cashier, cashiers, check, counterfeit, counterfeit money, dollar, Dollar Tree, feel, frustration, handling, hate, humor, i, Karen, money, money handling, need, real, shopping, tree
The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

0

1 month ago

aging, humor, i, just, mom, older, realization, realize, right, tone
I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

0

2 months ago

forced, getting, great, guarantee, humor, i, marriage, married, relationship, sad, somebody, speech, think
Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

0

2 months ago

another, appreciate, appreciation, beauty, broken, community, fighter, fighters, lover, lovers, twisted, Twitter, used, where
I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

0

2 months ago

i, invite, me, people, take, turn
We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

0

2 months ago

air, air fryer, cooking, curiosity, food, fryer, gadget, humor, just, kitchen, kitchen gadget, never, once, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

79 shares on X this month:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Spotted on Threads:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Just landed via Facebook:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Shared recently on Slack:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Just shared via Twitch:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Seen just now on Facebook:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨