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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,713

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Live now on Telegram:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Making waves on Reddit:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Making waves on Twitch:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Making waves on Discord:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Shared recently on Telegram:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the socializing hangover is real! 😂🥴📅 I'll see you in 2024.

excuse, going, going out, humor, i, last, life, recovering, recovery, rest, social, social life, sorry, still, tired, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Are you a software update, because not now!

2 months ago
dating, humor, not now, procrastination, software, software update, technology, update
The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

1 month ago
accomplishment, call, correct, failure, great, haters, humor, i, irony, motivation, said, sarcasm, self-deprecation
You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

2 months ago
boys, ceiling, chaos, family, family life, father, humor, know, life, parenting, print, shoe, shoe print, teen
Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

2 months ago
accessory, apple, Apple Watch, attire, dress, fashion, formal, formal attire, humor, kid, outfit, please, spy, spy kid, style, take, watch
Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

1 month ago
alcohol, fix, humor, joke, life, shot, tequila, worth
I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

1 month ago
again, color, color preference, emotional, emotional healing, girl, girls, healing, i, liking, means, pink, preference, start, think

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Just landed via Reddit:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Going viral on Messenger:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Spotted on TikTok:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Live now on Discord:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Are you a software update, because not now!

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

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Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Are you a software update, because not now!

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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