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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Just shared via Instagram:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text on a humorous quote about surpassing your girlfriend's top Spotify listeners.

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Commentary:
Hopefully, your girlfriend gives you her own year-in-review! 😅🎧❤️

competition, girlfriend, humor, listener, maybe, music, next, relationship, should, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, top, try, wrapped, year

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50 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

63 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Trending via YouTube:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Going viral on Telegram:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Just landed via Discord:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

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Activity Log ✨

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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