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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Just landed via Discord:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Trending via Facebook:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Trending via Discord:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Going viral on Facebook:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

2 months ago

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Hopefully, your girlfriend gives you her own year-in-review! 😅🎧❤️

competition, girlfriend, humor, listener, maybe, music, next, relationship, should, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, top, try, wrapped, year

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27 shares on Threads this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

19 shares on Slack this month:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

82 shares on X this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I like that linguists chose the term ‘loan words,’ implying that one day we’ll get them back.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Just shared via Twitch:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Live now on Telegram:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Going viral on Pinterest:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Just shared via Reddit:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

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Activity Log ✨

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Keep the laugh going 😂

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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