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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Going viral on TikTok:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Spotted on Facebook:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't risk falling in love and ending up in debt! 💔💸 Maybe we should just stick to awkward glances instead. 😂"

afford, commitment, contact, eye, eye contact, humor, i, making, me, money, panic, relationship, right, stop, wedding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

0

2 months ago

always, closet, day, enter, fear, head, house, humor, i, irony, thief, things, unconscious
I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

0

2 months ago

again, breakup, date, dating, disappointment, expectations, hear, humor, i, love, man, me, relationship, right, think
I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

0

2 months ago

attractive, bio, dating, DMs, humor, i, irony, media, pretend, put, self-esteem, social, social media
The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

0

5 months ago

bisexual, confusing, confusion, every, frequency, humor, once, relationship, sexual, term, twice, week
A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

0

2 months ago

aging, big, confusion, forgetfulness, growing, growing up, humor, keys, knowing, life, memory
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying person, applicants, filled, humor, life, need, people, person, positions, thank, thank you

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

69 shares on Threads this month:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Making waves on Telegram:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Shared recently on Slack:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Just shared via WeChat:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Just landed via WeChat:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Just landed via Facebook:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨