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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Just shared via Slack:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Trending via Facebook:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Going bananas on Facebook:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Spotted on Slack:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Just landed via TikTok:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Going viral on X:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Transforming hipsters one wrinkle-free leg at a time! 😂👖➡️👖 #LinenLove"

back, change, clothing, fashion, giving, giving back, guy, humor, jeans, joke, skinny, society, style, taking, wardrobe, wardrobe change

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

37 shares on Threads this month:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

41 shares on X this month:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I have a yearning disability.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I need a break from me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The government even made aliens boring.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Just landed via Reddit:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

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Activity Log ✨

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨