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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

12 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Just landed via Instagram:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Making waves on Discord:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Spreading quickly via X:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Shared recently on X:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Drive like no one is watching.

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

2 months ago

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic “before you go” hook — because nothing says 'happy hour' like a surprise boss mission right at the exit! 😅🚪💼 It’s the professional version of “Do you have a minute?” just as you're about to escape. Guess we all have that moment when our escape plans get hijacked by one last “important” task! 😂🤦‍♂️

awkward, awkward moment, before, boss, humor, leave, leaving, leaving work, moment, office, professional, situation, social, social situation, unexpected, work, workplace, workplace humor

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

12 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Spotted on Instagram:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Live now on Discord:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Trending via WeChat:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Just shared via X:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Just landed via Snapchat:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

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