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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Making waves on Twitch:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Trending via Twitch:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Just landed via TikTok:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Breaking via X:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Seen just now on Threads:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

2 months ago

0

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal dilemma—adulting in a nutshell! 🍽️🤔 Who knew the true test of maturity was mastering the art of deciding between cereal or leftovers? 🥣🥡 Just remember, no matter what you choose, calories don’t count after 9 PM! 😅✨

adulthood, challenge, daily, daily routine, day, decision, decision making, eat, eating, every, humor, life, life struggle, making, real, routine, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

0

2 months ago

2, after, awkwardness, forgetting, interaction, me, memory, move, name, seconds, signature, signature move, social, social interaction, tell
My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

0

2 months ago

alpacas, animals, boss, dogs, humor, office, pet, pet policy, policy, say, want, workplace, workplace humor
I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

0

5 months ago

awkwardness, dominance, humor, i, interaction, me, minute, small, small talk, social, social interaction, someone, talk, yawn, yawning
Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

0

2 months ago

activity, awkwardness, conversation, date, doing, flirt, flirting, fun, fun activity, humor, me, skills, social, social skills, things
I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, co-worker, coworkers, humor, i, just, random, reason, slap, wish, workplace
I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

0

24 minutes ago

childhood, commando, family, give, hear, humor, i, know, memory, mom, parent, prime, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, siblings, speechless, young, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

40 shares on Slack this month:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

94 shares on Discord this month:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,352

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Breaking via Telegram:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Spotted on Instagram:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Just landed via Slack:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Seen just now on Slack:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Making waves on Slack:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Live now on X:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Trending via TikTok:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

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