Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Spotted on Telegram:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Live now on YouTube:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Spotted on Slack:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Going viral on WeChat:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested! 🚗😅❤️

date, dating, driving, funny situation, humor, me, parallel, parallel park, park, relationship, second, second date, situation, stress, stroke, trying, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

0

2 months ago

dangerously, food, food safety, friend, grasp, humor, loose, loose grasp, safety
I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

0

2 months ago

embarrassment, expression, feelings, humor, i, paragraphs, self-reflection, send, used, writing
I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

0

4 months ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

0

2 months ago

account, balance, business, check, denial, finance, God, humor, money, self-awareness
I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

0

2 months ago

brain, brain cell, cell, cells, creativity, humor, i, idea, kiss, love, thought
How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

0

2 months ago

boss, dare, early, humor, i, meeting, set, sneak, time, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

85 shares on YouTube this month:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

37 shares on Slack this month:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

27 shares on Threads this month:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Going viral on Messenger:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Making waves on X:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Breaking via TikTok:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Breaking via Discord:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨