There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

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This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

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Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

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Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

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Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

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By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

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Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

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If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.