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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

291 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,560

Funny Quotes Topics

17,615

Funny Quotes Images

15,560

Jan 11, 2026

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Spotted on Discord:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Going viral on Slack:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Spotted on Twitch:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Just shared via Instagram:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Making waves on X:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Just shared via Slack:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Spotted on Threads:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

2 months ago

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the art of subtle shade! 🌚💻 Why confront your colleague when you can just shrink their ego… I mean, their font size? 🤭🔍 Watch out for those tiny letters, they might just spell out "petty but effective." 😏 #OfficeDrama #PassiveAggressiveDesign

annoyance, behavior, communication, everyone, font, font size, humor, i, me, name, sarcasm, size, someone, taken, team, type, whenever, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

2 months ago

awesome, confidence, humor, i, individuality, judge, me, perfect, self-acceptance
If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

2 months ago

activity, always, back, dating, fun, fun activity, humor, let, letting, letting go, love, meant, relationship, snacks, someone
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

2 months ago

appointment, awkward, awkward moment, bank, call, cancel, funny situation, humor, just, moment, say, situation, someone, sperm, sperm bank
It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

2 months ago

clapping, clapping emoji, comment, death, emoji, family, fun, games, hands, media, mistake, news, prayer, prayer hands, send, social, social media
Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

2 months ago

date, guy, humor, jealousy, me, movie, movie star, Pete Davidson, relationship, star, want, whining, women
Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

2 months ago

acting, comedy, humor, job, let, motivation, never, prevent, unemployed, unemployment, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on X this month:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

291 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,560

Funny Quotes Topics

17,615

Funny Quotes Images

15,560

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,687

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Spotted on Slack:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Just shared via Messenger:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Going viral on Facebook:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Breaking via Slack:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Just shared via Messenger:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Seen just now on WeChat:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

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