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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Just landed via Instagram:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Just shared via TikTok:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Live now on YouTube:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Going viral on Reddit:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Cleaning – the ultimate therapy session for the soul and the perfect opportunity to unleash your inner schemer. 🧼✨💭 Prepare to scrub away the mess both in your home and in your mind… while plotting your diabolical yet tidy revenge! 😈🧹 #CleaningTherapy #RevengeIsADishBestServedClean"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,701

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Making waves on Messenger:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Shared recently on Threads:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Spotted on Reddit:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

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