Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Trending via WeChat:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Trending via Threads:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Trending via Facebook:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Just landed via Twitch:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious conversational enigma! Approach with caution, or simply admire from a safe distance 🔮🚫 #IntrovertLife"

best, communication, conversation, humor, interaction, introvert, me, sarcasm, social, social interaction, start, tip

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

0

6 months ago

around, day, evening, feel, lazy, lazy day, management, procrastination, regret, sad, sadness, Sunday, time, time management, waste, weekend
If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

0

2 months ago

advice, anything, away, dramatic, funny advice, humor, humor tactic, humorous, humorous quote, just, procrastination, prophecy, sarcasm, tactic, today, walk, walk away, whisper, witty, wrong
I miss you (the money I spent).

0

2 months ago

financial, financial joke, humor, i, joke, longing, miss, money, spending, spent
Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

0

2 months ago

cheating, favorite, feeling, girlfriend, heartache, humor, love, loyal, loyalty, relationship, trust, world, worst
Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, dinner, free, household, humor, lawn, lawn mower, marriage, mower, mowing, multitasking, ready, relationship, tip, while, wife
Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

0

2 months ago

calory, chocolate, diet, election, humor, i, me, politics, promise, vote

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on TikTok this month:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

19 shares on Discord this month:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

98 shares on X this month:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Live now on Facebook:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Just shared via Reddit:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Spotted on YouTube:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Just shared via TikTok:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Making waves on X:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Just shared via Threads:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Making waves on Instagram:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

I miss you (the money I spent).

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨