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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Just shared via Messenger:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Just shared via Slack:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Just shared via Slack:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Clearly, your TV needs a higher IQ setting! 🤦‍♂️📺😂"

comedy, day, frustration, humor, i, people, rant, said, sarcasm, stupid, stupidity, television, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

0

2 months ago

doing, doing nothing, downtime, follow, great, humor, laziness, nothing, relaxation, rest
When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

0

2 months ago

animal, awww, cute, cute animal, humor, nature, observation, reaction, say, squirrel, wildlife
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

0

2 months ago

back, back out, humor, late, people, personality, relationship, surprise, trick, weird
They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

0

2 months ago

anything, comedy, humor, invention, misunderstanding, overhear, plot, plot twist, relationship, rom-com, should, twist, where
Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

1

1 month ago

burger, flirting, girl, humor, i, joke, line, love, pickup, pickup line
Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

0

3 months ago

childhood, digital, digital toy, euthanasia, humor, pet, Tamagotchi, toy, virtual, virtual pet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Threads this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

90 shares on X this month:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

43 shares on X this month:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

69 shares on YouTube this month:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

41 shares on Slack this month:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Live now on Telegram:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Trending via WeChat:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Spotted on Pinterest:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Spotted on WeChat:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Spotted on WeChat:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨