Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Making waves on Reddit:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Making waves on Telegram:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Just shared via Discord:

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Just shared via Instagram:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Trending via Pinterest:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Breaking via YouTube:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Just landed via Slack:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

3 weeks ago

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This explains why the kids keep dropping hints that Santa needs a GPS upgrade! 🎅🗺️😄

belief, believe, childhood, ever, family, holiday, humor, kid, kids, parent, parents, pretend, pretending, Santa

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16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

57 shares on Discord this month:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Just landed via YouTube:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Live now on Threads:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Trending via Facebook:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Spotted on Twitch:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Just shared via X:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

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Activity Log ✨

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨