When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

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Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

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Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

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My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

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The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

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Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

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How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

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The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”