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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Just shared via Threads:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Making waves on X:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Just shared via Threads:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like those guys are about to have a hiss-terical encounter! 🐍😄

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

0

2 months ago

better, communication, honesty, humor, i, irony, left, realization, regret, right, speaking, things, unsaid
How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

0

2 months ago

actually, adult, adult content, age, content, found, humor, innocence, love, old, people, porn, realization, relationship
One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

0

2 months ago

broke, heartbreak, humor, i, irony, life, life struggles, lord, money, relationship, struggles
In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, alive, army, battle, death, Eager, easy, Europe, heads, history, humor, life, medieval, pretty, wanted
I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

0

2 months ago

clothes, food, humor, i, mess, only, relatable, skills, social, spill, talent, too, yours
Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

0

2 months ago

5, downloading, internet, internet speed, minutes, nostalgia, patience, progress, remember, song, speed, technology, under

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

62 shares on Messenger this month:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

56 shares on X this month:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

74 shares on Instagram this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Freshly posted on Threads:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Just shared via WeChat:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Shared recently on Threads:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Spotted on Facebook:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Making waves on TikTok:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Trending via Pinterest:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨