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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,603

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Just landed via X:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Trending via Messenger:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Spreading quickly via X:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Just shared via Threads:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like we've scheduled the meeting for the 12th of Never-uary! 📅😂

absolutely, after, delay, humor, management, meeting, never, new, next, procrastination, push, sarcasm, scheduling, time, time management, year, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, election, Google, googled, humor, i, just, need, over, politics, relief, symptoms
I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

0

2 months ago

amazing, amazing feeling, back, before, care, feel, feeling, growing, growth, hair, hair growth, humor, i, just, leg, legs, man, minutes, next, personal, personal care, seconds, self-care, shaved, shaved leg, time
The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

0

2 months ago

actual, anticipation, before, day, day off, fun, humor, night, prelude, relaxation, satisfaction
Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

0

2 months ago

beginning, cars, deer, front, humor, irony, sacrifice, throw, understand, understanding, wildlife
For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

0

2 months ago

celebration, coaster, costume, emotional, fun, going, Halloween, humor, roller, roller coaster
Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

0

2 months ago

galaxy, guard, guardian, Guardian of the Galaxy, guards, humor, movie, movie reference, pun, reference, retail, retail security, samsung, Samsung store, security, security guard, store, superhero

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on X this month:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

30 shares on Discord this month:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

10 shares on X this month:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

64 shares on X this month:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Spotted on X:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Breaking via Pinterest:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Just landed via Reddit:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Shared recently on Discord:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨