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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,870

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Spotted on Discord:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Trending via Snapchat:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Shared recently on Slack:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Trending via Telegram:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When my phone gets slobber marks, I'll know who's to blame! 😆📱💋"

better, flirting, humor, i, joke, kissing, photos, pics, playful, screen, send, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

1 month ago
asking, Friday, front, girl, humor, just, longing, Monday, procrastination, standing, weekend, workweek
Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

1 month ago
culture, daily, Dre, forget, humor, joke, music, pop, pop culture, rap, reminder
Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

1 month ago
chocolate, dark, dark chocolate, diet, diet joke, eating, food, food humor, healthy, healthy eating, humor, joke, vegetable, vegetables
At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

4 months ago
appointment, being, booing, call, doctor, doctor office, doctors, humor, mine, name, name call, names, office, patient, room, waiting, waiting room
Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

1 month ago
bang, courtroom, every, hammer, humor, job, judge, little, only, people, shut, shut up, silence, where, work
If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

1 month ago
backup, enforcement, humor, irony, knock, knock down, law, law enforcement, policeman

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Seen just now on X:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Making waves on Instagram:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Just shared via X:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

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Activity Log ✨

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

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You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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