Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,414

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Trending via Reddit:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Spotted on Slack:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Spotted on Threads:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Broadcasted on X:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Just landed via Slack:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Seen just now on Threads:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Be the superhero we all need by stopping the Zoom apocalypse 👩‍💻⏳🚫

anything, early, humor, leadership, management, meeting, meetings, motivation, person, productivity, time, time management, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

0

2 months ago

dating, full, full moon, girl, girls, humor, i, joke, know, lunar, moon, playful, sacrifice, spot, supernatural, under
I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

0

2 months ago

attitude, confidence, feeling, flirt, fun, humor, humor quote, playful, self-esteem, sexy, today, warned
My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging sign, body, dog, dog years, feels, health, humor, joke, sign, year’s
I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

0

2 months ago

bonus, bonus features, brevity, communication, features, humor, i, irony, punchline, say, short, story, storytelling, tell
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

0

4 weeks ago

Bart, family, guys, humor, i, just, kids, man, parenting, second, talk, told, turning, TV, want
I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, hate, humor, i, people, personal, personal preference, phone, preference, sarcasm, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

58 shares on Slack this month:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

88 shares on Slack this month:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Trending via Reddit:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Trending via Reddit:

I need a massage for my brain.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Trending via Pinterest:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Trending via Slack:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Just landed via WeChat:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨