Iā€™m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Iā€™m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Commentary:
“Goodnight y’all, I’m off to catch some Z’s! 🌙💤 And remember, keep the noise level at a respectable whisper…or not, I’ll just dream of earplugs! 😂🛏️ #LightsOut”

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Trending Funny Quotes šŸ‘‡

  • I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the Thanksgiving table – where family dynamics take center stage! 🦃👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 It’s like a live performance of The Real Housewives of Dysfunction Junction! 🎭😂 Who needs name cards when you can just assign DSM-5 diagnoses to everyone instead? 📋🤪 #ThanksgivingTales

  • Of all the things to lose, why couldnā€™t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

    Commentary:
    😂🤦‍♂️ “Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?” Classic case of priorities gone awry! Who needs a missing appetite when you have a wandering mind making unexpected disappearances? 🤪 Just imagine misplacing your appetite and finding it curled up with your socks in the laundry basket! 🧐 #LostAppetiteBrainStillIntact

  • Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

    Commentary:
    👶🤓😂 “Babies: the notorious culprits behind the ‘glasses thief’ and ‘nose biter’ schemes! Who knew these tiny troublemakers were such notorious masterminds? Their reputation precedes them… and your glasses and nose pay the price!” 😉

  • Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

    Commentary:
    🤷‍♂️ Well, well, well…looks like someone has chosen to upgrade their status from casual acquaintance to full-time nuisance! 🤣 Brace yourself, because now you’ve got your very own personal “problem child” to deal with. Hope you’re ready for the ride! 🤪 #BuckleUp

  • Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

    Commentary:
    “Sorry, but this escape room is strictly for those with exit strategies… and well, let’s just say I never got the memo on natural exits! 🚪😅 #CSectionSurvivor”

  • Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

    Commentary:
    “From standing out in a crowd to blending in at dull meetings – who knew adulting came with such plot twists? 🤷‍♂️ At least you can brag about your versatility, right?”