Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

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It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

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My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

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Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

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Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

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I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.