Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,255

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Trending via Discord:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Shared recently on Threads:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Trending via Snapchat:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

2 months ago

0

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When someone doesn't get it, just bee yourself and buzz by! 🍯🐝😂"

advice, bees, better, explaining, fly, honey, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, man, metaphor, once, patience, said, shit, time, waste, wisdom, wise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

0

2 months ago

fashion, fit, humor, nostalgia, positive, proud, scarf, self-esteem, yesterday
Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, cost, day, drinking, erase, every, Facebook, fun, humor, i, liquor, me, memory, nostalgia, show
The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

0

2 months ago

chill, future, history, needs, nonsense, semester, teacher, world
Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

0

2 months ago

communication, effort, humor, letter, letters, love, love letter, men, middle, much, nostalgia, reassurance, relationship, send, think, too, used, war, wars
My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, before, being, day, delivery, digital, five, humor, i, means, mine, new, phone, privacy, sarcasm, surveillance, technology, track, tracking
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

0

2 months ago

before, bring, carefully, course, everyday, everyday life, family, forgetfulness, grocery, grocery list, humor, i, life, list, me, mother, procrastination, tradition

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

78 shares on Slack this month:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,625

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Live now on Telegram:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Breaking via Messenger:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Just landed via Facebook:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Shared recently on Slack:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Making waves on X:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

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