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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Spotted on Discord:

Earth is hard.

Trending via Twitch:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Spotted on X:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one playlist Alexa might have a hard time finding! 🎶🤔😂

Alexa, assistant, command, everyone, funny command, humor, joke, me, music, music request, play, played, request, technology, voice, voice assistant

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

0

2 months ago

humor, humorist, illegal, joke, media, posts, relationship, sarcasm, serious, seriousness, silliness, silly, social, social media, talk, wife
I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, food, french, french fry, fry, guy, half, humor, i, loneliness, lonely, memory, once, relationship, snack, still, think
Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

0

2 months ago

back, Christmas, Christmas movie, culture, debate, empire, Empire Strikes Back, film, holiday, humor, movie, movie debate, much, pop, pop culture, snow, star, Star Wars, strikes, wars, why, winter
And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

0

2 months ago

add, add to cart, cart, coping, coping mechanism, humor, mechanism, online, online shopping, sad, sadness, shopping
I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

0

1 month ago

around, bee, bees, butterfly, buzz, compliment, flattery, flower, humor, i, me, nature, playful, sorry, sweet, thought
Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

0

2 months ago

after, bills, every, finance, giving, here, humor, lord, month, monthly, paid, payment, price, struggle, us

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

71 shares on Threads this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Making waves on WeChat:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Live now on Slack:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Spotted on YouTube:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Just shared via TikTok:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨