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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Making waves on Slack:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Making waves on Twitch:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Just shared via Discord:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Spotted on Reddit:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Another week gone and I still haven't found a dollar under my couch cushions 😅💸 #KeepDreaming"

another, aspiration, disappointment, finance, humor, humor quote, irony, me, money, rich, sarcasm, unexpectedly, wealth, week, weekly

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

81 shares on Threads this month:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Going bananas on TikTok:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Making waves on WeChat:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Just landed via X:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Seen just now on X:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

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Activity Log ✨

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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