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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Freshly posted on Slack:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Trending via Reddit:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Live now on Twitch:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂🤔 "My schedule is as open as a book with a plot twist incoming!" 📅📖

busy, communication, depends, give, humor, information, me, planning, question, relationship, rest, schedule, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

0

4 weeks ago

both, conflict, costner, dance, dancing, humor, i, inner, inner conflict, inside, Kevin, Kevin Costner, know, wolf, works
I love you to the refrigerator and back.

0

2 months ago

affection, back, cute, distance, food, humor, i, love, playful, refrigerator, relationship
As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

0

2 months ago

back, beer, drink, humor, i, science, soon, sun, want, weather
Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, chest, girl, girls, humor, i, laid, last, laugh, laughing, me, moment, relationship, time
Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

0

4 months ago

attitude, call, constipated, expression, give, humor, i, indifference, me, shit, slang
Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

0

2 months ago

act, better, bring, children, competition, drop, drop off, hate, humor, judgment, just, me, parent, parenting, parents, school

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on X this month:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

54 shares on Slack this month:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

61 shares on X this month:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Spotted on Discord:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Just shared via Telegram:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨