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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Just landed via Instagram:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Going viral on Messenger:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Going viral on Threads:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Going viral on WeChat:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Breaking via Instagram:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Humorous quote about checking friends' Facebook to confirm they're alive before birthday wishes.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the modern day dilemma of confirming existence before sending birthday wishes – it's like a digital wellness check! 🎉👴🏼👵🏽 #FriendshipGoals #DigitalAgeConfusion"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

68 shares on Threads this month:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Just shared via X:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Spotted on Messenger:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Just shared via Slack:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Just landed via Telegram:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Just shared via Messenger:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Spotted on Telegram:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

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