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There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

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Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

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May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

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Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

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What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

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Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesnโ€™t talk to you.

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I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

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“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

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Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

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I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

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Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Funny quote about breakfast in bed turning cozy blankets into a messy scene.

Commentary:
My bed's gone from cozy to crumby faster than I can say 'toast-astrophe'! ๐Ÿ›๏ธ๐Ÿž๐Ÿ˜‚



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