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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,774

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Spreading quickly via X:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Shared recently on Telegram:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spotted on Threads:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Going viral on X:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Just landed via Reddit:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
My bed's gone from cozy to crumby faster than I can say 'toast-astrophe'! 🛏️🍞😂

accident, bed, blanket, breakfast, cozy, crime, crumb, food, humor, mess, morning, scene, snack, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

0

2 months ago

good, humor, mark, nap, rest, sleep
Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

0

3 weeks ago

another, car, cars, communication, curse, driving, excuse, family, friend, generations, horn, humor, kind, me, rage, road, road rage, sarcasm, should
Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

0

2 months ago

bed, day, humor, laziness, lifestyle, money, saving, staying, staying in
Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

0

3 months ago

behavior, crazy, else, everyone, humor, institution, media, mental, mental institution, online, online behavior, sane, sanity, social, social media, Twitter, where
I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

0

2 months ago

away, chores, experience, feel, grocery, humor, i, kids, never, parenting, put, recovery, take, today, traumatic, traumatic experience
I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

0

2 months ago

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

89 shares on X this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

70 shares on X this month:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Seen just now on Threads:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Breaking via YouTube:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Going viral on Instagram:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Just shared via Instagram:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨