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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Making waves on Threads:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Just landed via TikTok:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Going viral on TikTok:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Going bananas on Telegram:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Just shared via TikTok:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Broadcasted on X:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text humorously comparing Cinderella’s night out to a personal credit mishap.

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Commentary:
When I go out, the only thing that turns into a pumpkin is my bank account! 🎃💸

change, Cinderella, credit, credit score, finance, financial, financial joke, humor, i, joke, life, life change, night, night out, nightlife, personal, personal finance, score, spending

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84 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

54 shares on Threads this month:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Trending via Snapchat:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Just shared via Pinterest:

They’re making me do work at work.

Making waves on X:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Going bananas on Discord:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

For the record, I use a turntable.

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

For the record, I use a turntable.

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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