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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Trending via Snapchat:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Trending via Telegram:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Trending via Twitch:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Freshly posted on Slack:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Just shared via Discord:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When it comes to cheese, my heart says "just keep grating" and my wrist says "seriously, I'm tired now" 🧀❤️😂

add, cheese, cooking, ever, everyone, heart, humor, knows, let, measurement, much, need, recipe, tell

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Threads this month:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

49 shares on X this month:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Making waves on Slack:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Shared recently on X:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Just shared via Discord:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Making waves on TikTok:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨