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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Just shared via Discord:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Seen just now on Telegram:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Trending via WhatsApp:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

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Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.
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Commentary:
Looks like my warranty expired early – all damage is now cosmetic! 🚧💔😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

37 shares on X this month:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Trending via Snapchat:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

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