Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.