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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Going bananas on Facebook:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Seen just now on Discord:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Seen just now on Telegram:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Breaking via Instagram:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

11 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about childhood confidence and asserting boundaries in a humorous tone.

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Commentary:
Ah yes, the childhood dream of becoming a professional "tone monitor" is finally coming true! 🎤🕵️‍♀️✨

attention, childhood, communication, ever, humor, i, little, me, people, speak, speech, wanted, watch

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27 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Trending via Instagram:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Just landed via X:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Making waves on Messenger:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

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Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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