Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Spotted on Slack:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Just shared via Twitch:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Just landed via Threads:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Going viral on Telegram:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Going viral on Facebook:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you channel your inner Zen master instead of your inner WWE wrestler 😂🪑💫

anger, chair, comedy, coping, coping mechanism, emotional, emotional regulation, forced, frustration, humor, mechanism, okay, patience, regulation, relief, say, self-control, stress, stress relief, throwing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

0

3 months ago

good, here, monster, monsters, morning, slay, townsfolk
Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

0

2 months ago

Batman, being, die, friends, hard, humor, interaction, introvert, just, me, recharging, social, social interaction, suspense
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

0

2 months ago

50, coping, coping mechanism, cursing, humor, mechanism, pain, psychology, relief, self-injury
If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

awesome, awesome sauce, condom, date, first date, funny moment, humor, lucky, lucky condom, moment, relationship, sauce, say, still, tomorrow, wallet
As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

0

2 months ago

before, child, desire, family, generation, grandson, humor, i, nostalgia, time, time traveller, traveller, wanted
I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

always, do nothing, home, humor, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, rush

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on YouTube this month:

My default setting is sexual energy.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

23 shares on Discord this month:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

48 shares on X this month:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

96 shares on Instagram this month:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

They’re making me do work at work.

11 shares on Threads this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

81 shares on YouTube this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Going viral on Twitch:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Spotted on Messenger:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Spotted on Pinterest:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Making waves on Messenger:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Making waves on TikTok:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Going bananas on Threads:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Spotted on Threads:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Spotted on X:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨