Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Going viral on Slack:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Making waves on WeChat:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Shared recently on Slack:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Just landed via Twitch:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Just landed via Twitch:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

84 shares on Slack this month:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

61 shares on X this month:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Trending via Facebook:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Going viral on TikTok:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Trending via Telegram:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Making waves on TikTok:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

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