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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Just landed via YouTube:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Going viral on Slack:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Trending via X:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Broadcasted on X:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Making waves on TikTok:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Going viral on X:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Going viral on X:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Reported on LinkedIn:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Spotted on Threads:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Just landed via X:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

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