Funny awkward tan line quotes

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

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The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

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Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

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Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

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This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

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I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

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One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

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Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

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That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

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I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.