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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Just landed via Instagram:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Just landed via WeChat:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Live now on Threads:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Spotted on Reddit:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Trending via TikTok:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Slack this month:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

40 shares on Slack this month:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

16 shares on Reddit this month:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss you when I wake up before you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Breaking via Reddit:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Just landed via Telegram:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Making waves on Reddit:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Spotted on Twitch:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Breaking via WeChat:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Making waves on Twitch:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

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