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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Just shared via YouTube:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Just shared via Slack:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Going viral on X:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Seen just now on Threads:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Breaking via Twitch:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Shared recently on Slack:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on X this month:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

78 shares on Slack this month:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Making waves on TikTok:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Making waves on Messenger:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Just landed via Telegram:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

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