Funny call-in quotes

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.