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2 months ago
Share →: Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

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"Who knew avoiding awkward encounters was the ultimate cardio workout? 😂🏃‍♂️💨 #WalmartOlympics"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

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“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

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Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

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Going viral on Reddit:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Breaking via Reddit:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Spotted on Reddit:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

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Funny calorie burn quotes

New funny calorie burn quotes 👇

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

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Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

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